For about 3-4 years I worked with Age UK on some really interesting digital projects, including their key ‘Spread the Warmth’ campaign, launching their radio station ‘The Wireless’ and developing the section of the website dedicated to Professionals. As well as the digital projects, I was also very lucky to be involved in a programme to design physical and digital flagship services, such as Befriending.
For a period of time I worked within the organisation for a couple of days a week, and this not only gave me a unique insight into how it worked but importantly into what was important for those most in need of Age UK’s services, and those delivering them on the front-line.
This experience has left me with a lasting interest in how the lives of older people in the UK can be improved.
In the past few months that interest has become much more personal as my Nan has become increasingly frail and coping less well in her own home. It’s always better for an older person to maintain independence in the home for as long as possible, but it was becoming obvious that the basic things like cleaning and cooking were becoming a struggle. As much as ‘old age’ this is to do with illness as well, and a degenerative eye condition.
My Nan is lucky, she has 3 daughters and 5 adult grandchildren, so she has people how can provide support. But in that situation it becomes obvious pretty quickly that it isn’t enough. Someone can’t be there all the time and people have their own lives to live. But the really hard thing is knowing what to do in that situation. My Nan wouldn’t consider moving or residential care, and stubbornly wouldn’t accept help from ‘outsiders’. It was becoming clear that things would only get worse and the stress on my Mum was also getting hard.
I think that while there is much information available about services and care, there is little that prepares the family for the emotional toll of trying to make the right decisions in very difficult circumstances. I suppose that may be the same in many situations of illness, but because the person in question isn’t able to realise, or be realistic, about their situation you feel that any decision you make – even in their best interests – will upset them. How do you know when to do the right thing?
This whole period of time, since she got ill last April, to now has felt like a slow and inevitable decline. In an emergency you know what to do. Your brain is wired how to react. But in this, in aging and illness, there is no rulebook or set of guidelines on what to do for the best.
As it happened, fate played a hand and sudden illness meant that Nan had to be hospitalized. She spent several weeks in hospital and during that time it was recognised by the doctors that she would not be able to return to fully independent living once recovered. I can only talk for myself and not for anyone else in the family, but this almost felt like a relief in a way. Now it was decided by doctors! This also meant we would get help and not have to try and navigate the care system alone.